Do you ever feel lost or trapped?

That is exactly how i have felt. It just seemed like my life was falling apart and there was nothing to hold on to as the floor fell beneath me. Maybe it is just  starting senior year and the uncertainty of where to go to college next year, or maybe its just starting a new job without knowing anything about it and having to put myself out there all over again.

But it just seems like i look around and dont know anything for sure. I used to be able to say this is my best friend and this is the girl i cant stand, but as i sit here and look around nothing seems the same. i dont know where i am and dont know where i am going. I want some kind of direction other than i will wake up, go to school, and then go to work. i want future direction i dont want to feel like i have no control.

Its funny how much faster time goes by when you get older. Do you remember when you were younger and it always seemed like Christmas always took forever to come around? And you had your christmas list ,with like a hundred things on it, before April! Ohh what happen to those days? I wish they would come back. Life was so much easier then; all you had to care about was what toy you were going to play with, how dirty you were going to get, or whether your friend would be allowed to play that day. What happen, when did we have time to grow up? We are going to college next year and I still want to be able to play all day and be irresponsible. Speaking of which, who ever came up with responsiblity? and why? Did they think it would be a good idea? It must of been one of those people, who held a miserable life and never had any fun as a child, that came up with it. Well to my point, I have been gone almost all summer, but yet it only feels like I have been gone for a few days. And think of everything that has happen: the girls have been to pom camp and back, Peiter has gone home, Jana has been to Guatamala and California, Chelsea has been to Manhatten, Melissa has been to Missouri, Andrew has been to Falls Creek, a few of the boys went to see a rangers game, I have gone through surgery and recovered, and Brooke's pool has been finished. Now all that could not be done in three days. Do you see what I mean to a five year old this trip would have seemed like an eternity, but to me it has felt like a couple of days. Strange isn't it.

            I will be home on Wednesday! Hope to see you all soon!

When someone doesn't know its you behind the two way mirror they usually will say what's really on there mind instead of making something up to make you feel better. The hard part about this is when it hurts. When someone you love and trust throws things back in your face when you aren't looking they're not someone who should be in your inner circle.Your inner circle should be protected, guarded, and private not something that people can just easily slip into. This is how it was until someone told me that trusting people is essential in life, but they were wrong, having your guard up seems like a much better way to be and if you feel that someone should be allowed in your inner circle then let them in, but do be careful because no one is who they appear to be.

Speaking of which, it bothers me when people act like they know who you are just by looking at you when in reality they don't. People have been doing this a lot lately(especially my family). They dont want to take the time to get to know you or see who you really are; they loved who you were, not who you could be now.

Quotes that inspire me:

~"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game"

~"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the strength to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"                              

~"Be anxious for nothing, but strive for everything"

~"The best things in life happen when you aren't looking"

  These are quotes that up until about 2 or 3 months ago I used to live by. Something during those months slowly pushed me away from that, but now I have realized that you do not get anywhere if you forget what you are striving for. I have lost all since of my purpose, my drive, my reason for being the person I am, my goals, and my weaknesses. Without these who is to know who they are and what they are to become. So I have found myself standing in front of a canvas, ready to be painted, with no idea where to start, but as I look at the canvas it slowly comes to light, let your hand go and see what it makes for you; for if you try to control the brush the painting will never turn out how it was supposed to.So now I am stepping back and letting my life run its course with only the quotes to guide me and my feet to lead me.

Currently Listening Back on Track By Ten Yard Fight Back on Track see related

Today has turned out amazingly well. Who would have thought that one could have such a terrible week and then things just turn great. I finally think that my life has gotten back on track, things are looking up and senior year is going to be great.

The things which made my day great: My dad was in a better mood (wonderful), I finally got my mom moving on our California Trip (yea), my dad is going to buy me a punching bag, in less than two weeks my life will become like everyone elses again, senior pictures are not far away (meaning more shopping), and senior year is going to be amazing!

Just so all of you back home know, I miss you all so very much, it's really not even fathomable. Love You Guys!